Social Feces

Please forgive me for what I am about to write. I normally look upon my fellow man in a very kind-hearted manner, but as I look about BYU campus today, I cannot help but mock my surroundings. It is as if Sue Sylvester gained access to my mind and has been redirecting all my would-be kind thoughts--turning them into very unbecoming, critical contemplations.

It all started in my British Literature class. We were discussing Jane Austen's "Persuasion" (a book I love deeply) when two girls got a little carried away. One professed, "If only we had men like Captain Wentworth! Men, or boys, today just don't treat girls as they aught. (She was trying her very best to speak in Janite language). They TEXT instead of writing letters! (Oh, the horror). It's so rare to find men who will ask you out to your face, take you on a date, drop you off and then--which I consider necessary--call you to make sure you made it safely to your room."

My thoughts at this point? Good luck getting married, psycho. If someone called me just minutes after seeing me to my door, to make sure I made it to my room (not a difficult or dangerous journey) I would be like, "Sure did. And I'd appreciate it if you never asked me out again, ya weirdo."

In response another girl yelled (I am not exaggerating, she was YELLING), "Oh honor! Vigilance and respect! WHERE HAVE YOU GONE?" Her hands were flying in the air, in an attempt to further the drama (which needed no other embellishments, I assure you).

It was a disgustingly shameful spectacle. It might take me awhile to forgive the self-proclaimed Jane Vigilantes for tainting my love of Persuasion.

Awhile later I went to the Wilkinson's center for lunch. Standing in line I heard quite the commotion--yelling, stomping, hoots. Eager to see what sparked the frenzy I looked about. My eyes met this disgraceful sight: an x-box. The crowd was yelping like mad men as they watched an electronically-enhanced soccer game. For this, I hate our generation. I wanted to go unplug it and be like, "Welcome to the real world, suckas."

But I let them be.

This was not the end of my overly-satirical observations, but I'm starting to feel guilty. I should end this post (delete it, possibly). I hope you guys are having better luck looking kindly on humanity.