Saturday, December 22

things students say and do

I almost didn't write this post.  In fact, I stopped blogging for awhile for the same reason I almost didn't write this--a plethora of my students have found my blog.  I'm still figuring out how I feel about this.  I don't know if I adequately censor myself and don't know if I want to adequately censor myself here.

However, if I decide I don't want a student-based audience, I know exactly how to get rid of them.  I'll just start analyzing poetry and regurgitating grammar lessons.  Poof.  Goners.

But I like my students, is the thing.  And I mostly like that they read my blog.  The selfish part of me just wants to be able to share the funny moments from my day-to-day without intruding on their privacy.  Because, man.  They are funny humans.

Anyway, I think the following stories aren't too invasive and will give you a taste of what my job's like.  All names changed.  Duh.

During silent reading:
Adam sneezes.
Blake, not looking from his book, "Bless you."
Adam: "Thanks."
Blake: "Yep."
Five seconds later, Adam sneezes again.
Blake: "Bless you."
Adam: "Thanks."
Blake: "Yep."
(At this point people are exchanging looks and grinning).
Ten-ish seconds lager, Adam sneezes again.  You guessed it.  Bless you, thanks, yep. 

Again, during silent reading:
Me: "Your silent reading is suspiciously loud."
Josh: "In Russia, books read you." 
Me: "Um."

Out of nowhere, a student looks at me and says, "I bet you're really funny when you don't have to censor yourself."  Feel free to unpack the many and varied implications of this statement.

One day, in a particularly inappropriate class, during a series of particularly inappropriate responses, I finally had to threaten the following: "If you don't stop immediately I am going to call your parents to discuss your worrisome fetishes."  After which one of my not-inappropirate students leapt from his desk to give me a high five because I had, apparently, "owned" the nay-sayers.

I tossed a dead marker toward the trashcan and it bounced off the carpet and into the trashcan.  Immediately four of my students did fist pumps and started clapping for me.  If my literary skill set didn't impress them, my marker throwing sure did.

Obviously, I love my job.  Like, really love it.

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