Internet Safety

I'm taking a technology class with an emphasis in teaching. Thus far, I've created a class website and am currently working on an internet safety page. Whilst working on this, I left my page up while I went to grab something. When I came back, Conlin had commandeered my computer and was about to publish the following:

"So one day I was chatting online with a man I had met on eharmony.com. He seemed really nice and genuine, plus his pictures of himself were sexy. While chatting he asked if I wanted to meet. I agreed. So we met at this park near my house. As he approached me at the park, I noticed that this man didnt look like the sexy guy in the pictures. He looked deformed and obese. I saw that he was packing heat. He forced me into his black box van. That day he did things to me that I cannot even speak about again. From this I learned that eharmony was more like epedophile."

Hahahahahaha.
Good heavens. And this is my life partner.

resolutions + shallow thoughts

I gave up making New Years resolutions a few years ago because, as Homer Simpson believes, "Trying is the first step to failure."

But I went to the gym this morning and have decided to declare a single resolution for 2012.
I want my legs and head to be proportionate by the end of the year.
EVERY time I go to the gym I am distraught by my reflection--I look like I have little head syndrome. Or big leg syndrome. I think my head is actually a relatively normal size, which leads me to believe my problem is likely the latter... Anyway, I just want them to look like they belong on the same body, which means one of two things needs to happen:

1. I could get head enlargement surgery. (Although I'm not sure technology is thus evolved).
2. I could slim down my legs just a titch.

You'll notice my goal is not to rock a bikini or look good in jeans (maybe 2013?) I just want to look evenly distributed. I'm not sure this is actually possible, seeing as my body has changed very little since the 8th grade (yes, I've been ogre-esque for a loooong time). Still, a girl can dream.

Also, continuing this stream of shallow thoughts:

This last Thanksgiving break I suffered a hardship. I lost a single, perfect earring in Las Vegas. But when one door closes, another opens, right?

I just want to bear my testimony of tender mercies. I HAVE FOUND A PAIR OF EARRINGS MORE PERFECT THAN THE LAST! Can I get an AMEN?

(too sacrilegious? If not, should I work it into fast and testimony meeting?)