Monday, September 5

I'll be here all week.

This semester I'm taking English 423: Teaching Composition. It is a blessed class. We have various homework assignments, of which blogging is occasionally an option. You heard me right: blogging for homework! The current assignment is titled, "Slice of Life." So...vague and beautifully up to me to share what I will. And I've decided to share a story.

I can't count the number of times someone's asked me about my most embarrassing moment. And, without fail, I blank. This is inexcusable, as I experience embarrassing moments with alarming frequency. So, I shall be writing a series of embarrassing moments; they are too horrendous to keep to myself, and I'm not one to be selfish (unless we're talking haagen dazs...). So, enjoy.

Embarrassing Moment Numero Uno: A few months ago I was asked to speak in sacrament (can you already tell where this is going?). The topic was on hard work, which seemed--especially at that hectic and grueling point of life--appropriate and easy to discuss. Because of my schooling and work schedule, I was forced into procrastination (totally playing the innocent card. Final answer.). Anyway, the previous Saturday I worked until after midnight. Getting home around 1:00 a.m., I began preparing my talk and..oh yeah..primary lesson. Primary lessons are not particularly hard to prepare, but the combination of lesson + talk kept me up preeeetty late. And we have 9:00 church.

So, I ended up with three hours of sleep and little to eat (grocery shopping not my forte).

Me and my husband arrived a few minutes early and took our seats in the stands; I was exhausted but felt decently okay about my talk. When it was my turn, I strode to the podium and began.

For the first few minutes it was smooth sailing; I felt comfortable and secure in my delivery and message. The crowd seemed as engaged as could be hoped for, and my nerves had eased.

Then I started feeling light headed. And sick. And...faint.


Having fainted before, I was well-versed in the symptoms.

I bent my legs and leaned onto the podium, holding on for dear life.

"This is not happening. I will this to not happen!" I thought. "Maybe...if I just get through this next segment, these feelings will go away."
I began reading a quote when suddenly...lights off. I had time to mumble into the mike, "I'm sorry...I think I'm...blacking out..."

My husband rushed to my side, whispering, "Let's sit down for a moment.." He tried to guide me to my seat but I had reached total unconsciousness. Need a visual? 5'11 girl, high heels, totally limp in husbands arms, head rolled back, arms awkwardly extended. Or so I'm told.

When I came to, the high council was murmuring amongst themselves, "Should we carry her out..?" Um...h#$% no! What's more embarrassing than fainting in sacrament? Being carried out of sacrament!

Somewhat alert, I protested. They seemed relieved I was conscious and let me sit up. Someone handed me a water bottle. "I'm fine." I relayed. I got up and began walking to the podium when one of them shoved me back in the direction of my chair. "But I want to finish..." I began. They exchanged looks. "Maybe...well...maybe if someone gets her a microphone? And she finishes sitting down...Honey, you sure you want to finish?" (I added the 'Honey.' I think they were more serious, but in the flow of the story it sounded good to me...)

After I assured them multiple times I wanted to finish (my ward doesn't really know me and I'll be darned if they think I'm some nervous wreck who can't talk in public), they succumbed.

Mike in hand, I finished my talk sitting down. Which, just so you know, is a muuuuch more comfortable way to delivery a speech. I think talks are only nerve-wrecking because there's that whole walk to the podium should request seated delivery next time you give a talk; you won't regret it. The rest of my talk went well, not that it mattered; who's going to remember anything past, "SACRAMENT HULLABALOO: GIRL FAINTS MID-DELIVERY!"

So...there ya go. What's currently my most embarrassing memory (we'll see how long it stays on the top). I wouldn't choose to do it again (once is sufficient, right?), but I have to admit it made me a total primary celebrity, which is pretty cool. Stay tuned...more embarrassing moments to come.

1 comment:

  1. I was laughing out loud, especially at the part where you acknowledge that the fainting will be the most memorable part. I, too, have embarrassing moments when I have been a speaker and teacher (don't ask about wearing a microphone into the bathroom!) and always know that what I say will probably be forgotten--but what I did will not. Thanks for sharing.