Our New Nighttime Routine

The past few nights have gone, with little variation, as follows:

I'm laying in bed, completely exhausted. As my breathing evens and my body starts to lose consciousness...I'm woken by a strobe light.

A. Strobe. Light.

And Conlin's giggling. "Strike a pose! And strike a pose!"

Apparently there's a new strobe light app available for all spouses who want to sleep on the couch.

ME: "Paleeeease. I have class at seven. Please let me go to sleep."

CONLIN: "Strike a pose gurrrl!"

ME: "You need to learn to read normal human cues. Listen to my voice--"

CONLIN: "I think my wife's gone craaaazzzy." (to the tune of an eminem song).

ME: "I am asking you to stop, with not the slightest hint of sarcasm. I am not laughing. There is a serious tone in what I'm saying--"

CONLIN: "And strike a pose!"

ME: "You are disturbing my brain functions. I could easily have epilepsy!"

CONLIN: "I think you've gone craaaaazzzzy."

ME: "Conlin!"

Then I punch him in the shoulder and, laughing, he turns off the app. (Which he turns on once more...just to let me know he's calling the shots).

I will keeeeel whoever invented that app. But... I will not kill my husband. Because even though I was incredibly tired and not as amused as I would have been were his timing better, I appreciated his humor. And high-pitched voice. And overall amusement at my expense.

That child.

Strike a pose.

Flick.

I mentioned in my previous post that centipedes attacked our apartment.

Well, it was hardly--if at all--an exaggeration. They are EVERYWHERE. Apparently someone thought it would be a good joke to hand out flyers to the centipede community advertising our apartment as a lovely and inviting retirement home for all.

At first they were satisfied with lining our walls, curling up in the space where carpet meets plaster. Still gross, but at least a manageable clean up. But lately they've become braver, venturing into the center of our rooms.

Treading barefoot in our apartment is no longer a care-free endeavor; one must keep their eyes peeled or--CRUNCH. Centipede remains appear beneath your foot.

This morning I spotted one crawling on a pillow next to our bed. Growling, I picked up the pillow, wanting to be eye-level with the invading centipede while I chastised him.

I began, "Where do you get off coming into MY house and crawling on MY pillows and crawling your nasty little body all over--" when cross-eyed I spotted a giant finger quickly approaching the centipede. And then it flicked. And I shrieked.

Conlin had flicked that mangy centipede right at my head! (He claims to have been aiming elsewhere, but...jury's still out on that one).

Oye.

Please leave, centipedes.

I am a spurter.

I do things in spurts. LIKE POOP IN SPURTS. (I left my computer for a moment and Conlin added the second sentence. Hopefully you already had such a hunch).

Anyway... once a spurt stops, it often becomes very difficult for me to begin again whatever the focus of my spurt was.

I've lost you.

What I was trying to say was this: I'm sorry it's been months since I've blogged. Once I stop writing, I have so many thoughts and stories build up that when I attempt a post I become somewhat overwhelmed. My past attempts at keeping a journal were, sadly, reminiscent of this blog.

Anyway, here are some highlights from the past few months (most of which have no photographed documentation...guess you'll just have to take them on my word):

-Conlin turned 24. And yes, he matured beautifully this past year. He hardly farts anymore, never pokes me in the butt, rarely mocks the graceful way in which I sit on the toilet, and no longer laces his sentences with 'pooh' references. Wait, no. He still does all that. Guess at 24 he's still 'keepin' it real.'
-Winter semester ended.
-Centipedes attacked our apartment.
-I..uh...okay I swear I have been an active life-participant in my blog absence, but I can only think of one more thing to list:
-Conlin and I got to go to Italy and France. I'll blog more about this later, as I think the trip is deserving of more time and attention than I have at the moment. I will, however, leave you with some pictures. Adios!

.....
Um. I'm technologically disabled and cannot get my pictures to upload. They are, however, on facebook. That's something, right? I'll try to get them up soon. Don't lose faith in me.