autumn

The fall sunshine spilling over cars, glinting off windows; even from the library confines, I know it’s a fall sunshine, different, somehow, from the summer’s rays. It sounds like the Weepies and Nora Jones, and looks like slouchy sweaters and bursting backpacks. My days become falling leaves and the rhythmic pulse of the sloshing dishwasher. I sit at my computer and realize that the long school and work hours, even the lack of sleep, don’t make me hate this time. I walk to my car and the air has a slight chill, but the red paint on my car is warm and my hand lingers on the hood. I think maybe I will stay there, touching that paint, until winter comes.

When I enter AHS the halls smell of lemony cleaner and I hear the squeak of shoes on a glossy floor. The gym closet smells of plastic and sweat and it is delicious. I bounce a basketball methodically, revering in the echoing sound.

I am alive, breathing an air more real than before.

A time of year I didn’t know I loved.

this is how my brain works

-I maybe need to get more sleep.
-Last night at a Color Me Mine staff meeting someone suggested implementing pajama days (you wear pajamas, you get a deal). I asked if pajamas would be a staff requirement. And then--I'm chalking this up to sleep deprivation--I just got the giggles. Because me in pajamas at work would equal me in sheer garments with an apron. This image just got better and better as my ill-disciplined mind went to town.
-Oh, and about those embarrassing memories. Well I created a new one just days ago. Actually no, I didn't CREATE a new embarrassing memory, I just took part in one (I was victimized, if you will).
-I saw one of my in-laws naked. NAKED.
-I assume you'll forgive me for not blogging about this one in detail...it would be a little too close to home.
-I wonder why God made our bodies like he did. There are certain parts...did he run out of time? Felt like playing Ashton Kutcher on the sixth day of creation?
-At a stop light the other day I glanced in my rear view mirror and spotted a cartoonish man behind me. At first glance, I thought--please forgive me--there's the village idiot.
-But then I really looked at his face and realized he was actually quite good looking. He just had really small, really close eyes. Isn't that weird how something as seemingly insignificant as eye proximity can completely change someone's view of you? It shouldn't, but too often it does.
-He had a ring on, though. So don't be too sorry--someone got past those eyes. (Hopefully a girl with wide-set eyes...even out their children's layout).
-I don't understand elevator etiquette. It's weird being smushed in a small space with strangers, everyone silent and avoiding eye contact. How did that become the norm?
-The other day I thought of this quote: "Nothing tastes as good as being skinny feels." I thought of it because I was eating a Haagan Dazs ice cream bar. I bet whoever came up with that quote hadn't tried Haagan Dazs.
-See how I'm rambling? Honest to goodness, this is how my brain works. There's no identifiable stream in my stream of conscience.

I'll be here all week.

This semester I'm taking English 423: Teaching Composition. It is a blessed class. We have various homework assignments, of which blogging is occasionally an option. You heard me right: blogging for homework! The current assignment is titled, "Slice of Life." So...vague and beautifully up to me to share what I will. And I've decided to share a story.

I can't count the number of times someone's asked me about my most embarrassing moment. And, without fail, I blank. This is inexcusable, as I experience embarrassing moments with alarming frequency. So, I shall be writing a series of embarrassing moments; they are too horrendous to keep to myself, and I'm not one to be selfish (unless we're talking haagen dazs...). So, enjoy.

Embarrassing Moment Numero Uno: A few months ago I was asked to speak in sacrament (can you already tell where this is going?). The topic was on hard work, which seemed--especially at that hectic and grueling point of life--appropriate and easy to discuss. Because of my schooling and work schedule, I was forced into procrastination (totally playing the innocent card. Final answer.). Anyway, the previous Saturday I worked until after midnight. Getting home around 1:00 a.m., I began preparing my talk and..oh yeah..primary lesson. Primary lessons are not particularly hard to prepare, but the combination of lesson + talk kept me up preeeetty late. And we have 9:00 church.

So, I ended up with three hours of sleep and little to eat (grocery shopping not my forte).

Me and my husband arrived a few minutes early and took our seats in the stands; I was exhausted but felt decently okay about my talk. When it was my turn, I strode to the podium and began.

For the first few minutes it was smooth sailing; I felt comfortable and secure in my delivery and message. The crowd seemed as engaged as could be hoped for, and my nerves had eased.

Then I started feeling light headed. And sick. And...faint.

Noooooo!

Having fainted before, I was well-versed in the symptoms.

I bent my legs and leaned onto the podium, holding on for dear life.

"This is not happening. I will this to not happen!" I thought. "Maybe...if I just get through this next segment, these feelings will go away."
I began reading a quote when suddenly...lights off. I had time to mumble into the mike, "I'm sorry...I think I'm...blacking out..."

My husband rushed to my side, whispering, "Let's sit down for a moment.." He tried to guide me to my seat but I had reached total unconsciousness. Need a visual? 5'11 girl, high heels, totally limp in husbands arms, head rolled back, arms awkwardly extended. Or so I'm told.

When I came to, the high council was murmuring amongst themselves, "Should we carry her out..?" Um...h#$% no! What's more embarrassing than fainting in sacrament? Being carried out of sacrament!

Somewhat alert, I protested. They seemed relieved I was conscious and let me sit up. Someone handed me a water bottle. "I'm fine." I relayed. I got up and began walking to the podium when one of them shoved me back in the direction of my chair. "But I want to finish..." I began. They exchanged looks. "Maybe...well...maybe if someone gets her a microphone? And she finishes sitting down...Honey, you sure you want to finish?" (I added the 'Honey.' I think they were more serious, but in the flow of the story it sounded good to me...)

After I assured them multiple times I wanted to finish (my ward doesn't really know me and I'll be darned if they think I'm some nervous wreck who can't talk in public), they succumbed.

Mike in hand, I finished my talk sitting down. Which, just so you know, is a muuuuch more comfortable way to delivery a speech. I think talks are only nerve-wrecking because there's that whole walk to the podium thing...you should request seated delivery next time you give a talk; you won't regret it. The rest of my talk went well, not that it mattered; who's going to remember anything past, "SACRAMENT HULLABALOO: GIRL FAINTS MID-DELIVERY!"

So...there ya go. What's currently my most embarrassing memory (we'll see how long it stays on the top). I wouldn't choose to do it again (once is sufficient, right?), but I have to admit it made me a total primary celebrity, which is pretty cool. Stay tuned...more embarrassing moments to come.