Saturday, January 19

in pseudo defense of head shots

I just want to let you know that I know I have a problem.  I'm a head shot addict and a neurotic avoider of normal people photos.  My defense is shoddy at best but I'm going to present it regardless.

Some of my photo anxiety is probably linked to the fact my father is a photographer.  Also, that I'm not terribly photogenic.  So I've had to see photo after photo of my non-photogenic-ness displayed. And let me stress: my father has always been kind about my appearance.  He's never said anything to provoke my insecurity, I come by that talent naturally.  In fact, my dad has repeatedly refused to use his photoshop skills to alter my appearance. [But you best believe I've asked.  "Can you just thin my nose a little?  You know, make it dainty?  And do something about my butt.  Like make it not huge and distracting.  Oh and maybe, if it's not too much trouble, make it look like I plucked my eyebrows in the last year?"] 

Quick tangent: my father has been kind, but I need to divulge one traumatic experience.  In ninth grade I had strep throat and was lying on the couch violently throwing up into a bowl (out of my mouth and nose).  My misery was only increased when I heard the click of a camera.  Disbelieving, I cocked my head to the side to see my father aiming that vindictive digital camera in my direction.
Dad: "Someday you'll want these."
Me: "In what context--pause while I vomit--would I want a photo of me throwing up out of my nose?  Huh?"

Anyway, photos make me anxious.  A lot of it is because I know my nose looks weird in 90% of the shots.  Pictures are all about the nose.  Seriously, flip through Facebook and tell me whether you can find a shot where someone's nose looks weird but the shot looks good.  Doesn't happen.  You can recover from a mediocre hair day or thin lips, but your nose looks off and you're a goner.

Self-taken head shots are awesome because you can spend 30 seconds cocking your head various degrees until you find an angle which suits your face.  And you can do it alone so you don't have to worry about an audience.  Sure, if someone saw you taking pictures of yourself while alone you'd look even dumber than you would just taking regular group photos, but that is why you take some precautions.  Yes, I feel a little bit crazy sitting in my classroom snapping photos of myself.  But I may be vain enough to prefer feeling crazy to feeling like I have a big blob nose and huge butt.

And...once again I've written a post where I get to the end and don't know exactly how or why I got there.  I think the point was maybe to justify low-quality pictures?  Or...I don't know what to tell you, people.  Maybe just squint at the computer screen and see if something inspirational pops out.

[To any students reading this: if you turn in an essay that at all resembles this post, you probably won't get a good grade.  I mean, I'll still like you, I'll just be like: what was that?  What was the point?  And you may try to persuade me you were channeling my writing and then I'll be like, whelp.  That was a big mistake.  Get a better role model.]


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